Joe Rogan Quotes

"To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me."

"The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone."

"The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time."

"That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard."

"People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it."

"Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends."

"It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks."

"If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure."

"If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?"

"I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way."

"I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me."

"Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that."

"Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD."

"Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out."

Joe Rogan, announcer for the UFC, has been a mainstay for the company for years. He fits in really well as an announcer. Thank god he sucked as a comedian.

Cheers to you, Joe.